Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
