no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
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