You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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