Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
