did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
