her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
