Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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