the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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