I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
