It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
