I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
