Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
