at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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