Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
