Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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