"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
