ya dads aren't the best wingmen
never play flip cup with pint glasses
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
