You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
