Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
