life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
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