Having a random hookup so left but love u
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
