Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
