Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
