if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
