I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
All the doctor said was why
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
