Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
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