Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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