Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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