I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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