Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize