So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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