Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
