You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
