At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My penis needs a shock collar
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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