I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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