My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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