Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
