haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize