Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
