there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
