I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
