This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
