a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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