We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
