I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
