he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
