Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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