I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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