I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
