There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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