When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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