HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
