He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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