He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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