why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
