How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
