cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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