My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
