I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
