and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
