Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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