the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
