Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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