is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
