He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We're too hungover to prance.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize