so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
