did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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