Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
