he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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