You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
