her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
my liver is dry heaving
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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