I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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