You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We're too hungover to prance.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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